Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Lack of Sleep

One of my symptoms is that I cannot turn my mind off at night.  I lay there and every problem possible goes through my head demanding to be solved.  Worse ... sometimes imaginary situations go on like conversations inside my head between myself and the devil.  I play out could be conversations with people mostly about Ben.  I finally go to sleep and my sleep is plagued with people from my past (childhood and teen years 99% of the time) come back in nightmare scenarios.  As a result I often go 36 hours without sleep then crash for 12 hours.  Or get by with 3-6 hours of sleep ... honestly ... it is harder to function with just 3-6 hours of sleep than it is without any sleep.  And just to be clear:  I stay up all night after taking 3 Percocet, 2-3 Melatonin, and 3 Flexerile over the course of the night.  I give up and stop taking drugs after 3 a.m.

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